I am so excited to share this with you. I have been waiting patiently. I have been coy. And this is why -The Lord has worked another one of his miracles. He has placed another beautiful (without even seeing) child, he has chosen me and my home to nurture and love one of his own. I do not take this decision, that the Lord has made lightly. I know that it is a miracle. The first time around was a miracle and a blessing, this time it is a miracle and a blessing. And I plan (on trying) to do everything I can to do right by his decision.
This is my dream, this is my dream job. This is all I ever wanted. This is really what I dreamed about when I was a little girl. And being a parent is more than I ever thought it could be. To be the one and only (okay D loves his Mima and Daddy too) but to be the only one to stop the cries, to be the one that they want when they have a bad dream or a new hurt. When I was growing up I use to babysit for two families that each had 6 children. I loved every day I worked for them. I loved that they depended on each other for so much. Of course looking back these two families and their children were exceptions, now they are accomplished and highly intelligent adults. They were and still are very well behaved. For years I said that I wanted to have 6 children. And there is still nothing I want more than to have my home full during the holidays and dinner time. And there is still plenty of space in my home and in my heart. The world has just evolved my dreams a little bit. The overall goal of having every seat filled at dinner time just means inviting over more friends.
I am happy that I had these 4 beautiful years to focus and take every moment in with D, to give him all of me. I am not a mother that worries if I can love another as much as I love this one. I know I can, I have great role models, and have grow up around many strong women that make this hard job seem easy. My worries . . . well I have plenty and plenty of time for that later.
Right now I am focusing on D, I want to get all those things done that we always think “hey we should do that . . . or I should take him there” I am doing those things.
I am taking the time to read an extra story, turn when he calls me and chase down those kisses.
And D . . .
He is at a super sweet stage. We were going to try to keep the news from him until I started showing, but since we were telling family and friends in person – he over heard and when Jaime was taking him to a birthday party he asked “Does mommy have a baby in her belly?” Then he asked me and I said that I will but right now it is too small to know” But he kept asking. So we told him. He had so many questions. And right away, it was a little brother. (And then he will have a little sister) He calls him “My baby”
“Is my baby born yet?”
No sweetheart, when we go to the hospital and bring him home just like we did with Gia, your baby will be born. He still has to grow a whole bunch in momma’s belly.
“Are you going to get fat?”
Yes (ughh) but it is going to be baby and his home for 9 months”
“When is my baby coming?” This one I had to think about a lot. As you know the concept of time is a hard one for these little guys, but we have worked very hard on the time line for his birthday and although my due date is May 25th, I had to use it .
“Not until you turn 5”
And then yesterday while driving to school, he usually sleeps on this commute. Out of the darkness came a question:
“Does born mean zero?”
“Excuse me, what do you mean?”
“Does zero mean born, when my baby is born will he be zero?”
“Yes but born does not mean zero, zero means you don’t have any”
Overall I am trying to get him to be a little more independent and responsible so that he can help me out. It seems to be working, he has been helping keep his room clean, take his dirty clothes to the hamper and picks up the toys he brings downstairs.
I have had a couple moments where I start to get sentimental about having to share my time but then we remember that I am giving him a companion and playmate. We are giving him a friend not just a sibling.
Today, I went to pick up D from school and he screams to the other kids who are laughing and playing "Everybody needs to be quiet, my momma has a baby in her belly" (You can't really tell, I have gained a whole whopping 1 pound!) I was so embarassed. But he has been telling everyone that he is going to be a big brother.
And me . . .
I am doing fine. The feelings are definitely different than last time. I remember the constant sadness after D was born and I had to go back to work, of leaving him and being separated, that I am not looking forward too. There is a great bond created while the baby grows inside of you and those first weeks of his life. I would always tell D "Lets make a deal you stop growing and I will put you back in my belly, because I hated being apart from him. I am excited but I am not as blissfully ignorant, i know that pretty soon I will not be able to tie my shoes. Joy!