The time is getting closer. And many are telling me “The count down has began” but really the count down began once that stick had two lines on it. I know that I have experience on my side. I have done this before. Am I nervous? Well not really but then I hear stories, stories that I have been hearing lately of course I am. And the stories are all over the spectrum. From your second will be easier and faster – a woman’s last two babies being delivered at home because they came so fast. Or a girlfriend who was scheduled for a c-section and went into labor three weeks early and didn’t even have time to get an epidural. To the people that tell me first one came early and the second one came late.
I know that I am much more prepared for this one, the room is together, the bags are ready, most of the items are setup and more importantly I realize that initially all this baby needs is us to hold her, love her and me to feed her (and maybe the car seat).
I am so anxious to meet this little one, to know your cry, to hold you in my arms and be your sole source of nourishment. Sometimes when I have both hands on my belly and you move a tiny limb clear across it, it feels as though I am touching you. It feels as though I am holding you in my arms. I can’t wait to see your toes, try to count your eyelashes, to listen to you breathe and smell you.
But of course I can wait because this experienced momma knows it all goes by too fast. I know that once you arrive, a shorter count down follows, a count down of days until I return to work. A count down that I know I will not look forward to. So for now I am perfectly content, taking you to work with me everyday, consulting you on my diet and exercise regime. Relishing the fact that you are so near that you can hear my heart beat.
Right now I am preparing myself for the tough job that is coming my way with no pay but plenty of rewards. The one all mothers do, go to sleep thinking that it can’t get any harder than this but waking as soon as I drift off to a cry. And of course just when I think I can get rest something else will come up, but I will gladly do all this (okay maybe not gladly) but I will do all this and remember that I am one of the lucky ones, to have the unconditional love of a child, to know this amazing love.
And my precious boy is so ready to be a big brother, including his little sister in all his prayers, asking to kiss my belly at night and telling her he will see her in the morning. As promised he went to build-a-bear and picked out a beautiful lamb for her. He recorded a message to put inside it and wanted to sing “twinkle twinkle little star” also but we didn’t have enough time on the recorder. His message brings tears to my eyes, to know that this child is as anxious as us to meet you and play with you and have a co-conspirator. So far he hasn’t shown us any jealousy; he is use to being around my niece and how the tone of the house changes when we are caring for her. He always feels responsible, to make her smile and soothe her cries. I think it is good practice. I am so excited to see them play together and for him to exercise his independent-ness, that he is always asking for.
He watches commercials where there are two siblings playing and he always turns to me and says she is going to be with me all the time. Last night when I was reading to him and he was begging me to lay down with him for just a little bit, we talked about how when his little sister gets a little older he will be able to sleep with her and read to her. He thought about this for a long time and then said, I will be able to teach her and show her to read. He is always thinking of her.
We are all very excited.
